To many it may seem as if cyclists feel they have and or deserve special rights and privileges: special roadways, rights of way, even the right to bad fashion statements. It may seem as if the purchase of a bicycle comes with a certificate of entitlement. There may be something to this notion. The other evening on the way home, an SUV was carelessly advancing to make a right turn in front of me at an intersection. At the last moment the operator of this vehicle saw me and stopped short. As I crossed its bow I gave an open hand slap to hood. "Bad SUV!" That is just the sort of arrogance that gives cyclist a bad name. It is good to feel special but perhaps not so good to feel "better than"; and even worse to actually slap someone's car. The idea that any cyclist is "better than", say, a motorist, pedestrian, rollerblader, or stroller pushing nanny, is perhaps flawed.
Take for instance this out of my old home town of Boston stating we cyclists are "better" traffic. The writer of this may well be a smart cyclist; following the rules of the road, not being a dork. However, a person on a bike does not make traffic "better". Sure, less carbon, less cars on the road, I am all for that. But think about it, do we really want all of the people that currently drive their cars, getting on bikes? Think of all those self-absorbed folks yakking on their phones while riding the same way that they drive their cars. It would be like riding on the Strand in Hermosa Beach on a warm Sunday afternoon but all of the time.
Some things can bring out the worst in some people and cycling seems to be one of them. It is fun to ride as a group and feel the power of "us". This always seems to lead us to a "them". What almost always follows is "us" against "them" No matter who "we" are, there is always "them". Just look at what has become of the once noble "critical mass" rides. These rides originated as response to the injustices that lone riders were experiencing in traffic on a daily basis. Now I am all for cycling advocacy but when this is the result … oops. No group rides for you!
On the other hand, many of us are certain that because we are cyclists we are special (not better than), and therefore should have special rights. Nothing anyone can say will change this specialness for us. So for us what is needed is that program for certification of rights upon receipt of one's bicycle so that there would be no question of what we can and can not do. I name this the Bike Dork Entitlement Program in which, perhaps each "groupo" would have its own needs catered to. For example:
Upon purchase and delivery of any "road bike" the owner is hereby endowed with the right to:
a) Full lane use on all and any urban / suburban / or country roadway
b) Full and unfettered use of any multi colored lycra clothing
c) Full use of tortured facial expressions on and off the bike
d) May consume one (1) 12 oz. container of Michalob Ultra only after any 100 mile or more ride.
Upon purchase and delivery of any "mountain bike" the owner is hereby endowed with the right to:
a) Full and free use of any dirt trail on any property, any where any time
b) Full suspension.
c) May consume at least one (1) 12 oz. container of any Microbrewed IPA after a ride.
Upon purchase and or curation of any "fixie" the owner is hereby endowed with the right to:
a) Full use of any paved urban or suburban space to bust dope trix or at least try
b) Full rights to wear bike messenger gear even if you are not
c) Must consume at least one (1) 12 oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon on any ride.
Upon purchase and or curation of any "commuter bike" the owner is hereby endowed with the right to:
a) Full lane use on all and any urban / suburban / or country roadway
b) Full use of any fluorescent safety vests, stickers leg, and or arm bands & headlamp
c) Full fenders
d) May consume one (1) container of locally (preferably home) brewed beverage of choice
Of course this is just a rough outline of what needs to be a much better thought out nationwide program that could educate cyclists and the public in general exactly where things stand and how we can all get along. Perhaps this program could be funded with some of the "stimulus money" that is floating around - after all we are entitled.
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